We are quite aware about on the extreme kind of domestic violence cases which recently took place in Mattan Akhura area of Anantnag district in South Kashmir. The victim was just twenty years old women and the mother of two children. And her only crime was that she refused to pay further dowry to her in-laws.
By Samiya Bint-e-Nazir:
A woman is born as an embodiment of sacrifices. Giving up her share in one way or the other runs in her blood, or rather, genes. A woman prioritizes the likes, choices and requirements of everyone other than herself for “greater good”. One of the unavoidable stages in a woman’s life comes when, as a bride, she leaves her home, her birthplace along with the history as well as the geography attached with her previous life. She gives up almost all of her choicest belongings and every important possession in this crucial transition towards the next home which is supposed to be the final and permanent base of her life to come. From the very first day, this journey starts with the coded as well as un-coded responsibilities, far length expectations, ceaseless care and love which she has to deliver at all costs even if everything seems contradictory in her way. The married woman goes on to change her previous ways, her past sets of living and the way she was once at her paternal home just to adjust in her husband’s particular world, a sort of total surrender to say precisely. She does all possible thing to match herself up to the expectations from domestic chorus to economic gains to familial obligations. She is always expected to remain fit and present the best part of herself and don’t give anybody a chance to raise any doubt against her no matter how painful the situation she be in.
The life of a girl at her paternal home is quite different. She doesn’t worry about any of the unfinished tasks, to rise up early or to hurry for the things to be done. As soon as she steps into her in-laws, everything is to be adjusted afresh, a sort of a drastic and unavoidable change in the life. She doesn’t want anybody to get annoyed with her at all doing everything to keep every member happy and joyful. This thing can only be done by a women who sacrifices every desire and dream to see others happy. She has to fit herself within the walls of married life cultivating her relationship with every belonging of her new home and the people living there. She sheds her tiredness behind, pretends to be healthy just to be available to her husband, for her children 24/7 like a robot. Most of the time, she doesn’t focus on or worry about her health if the custom of the people demands in order to be a good wife and a good daughter in law. The pain of the separation from her home and loved hits hard at the core of her heart but pretends to be okay and well just for the sake of the presupposed behavior from her. A woman, in a way, obliterates her entire being for the comfort of the people who always expect love from her in all good as well as worst situations coming in her way.
Let’s take second turn here to see another heart wrenching side of this women exclusive story. The journey of this woman/bride is replete with unending up and downs. She has to prepare herself for other frightful experiences as well. The ever growing social evils like dowry, domestic violence, the ever increasing cases of rapes, eve teasing, inferiority complex and other shameful trends make her suffer in one or other way. The tremendous increase in the violence against women shakes the grounds of humanity. The violence not only ruins her life but mutilates her visions and philosophy about the life to start anew. She reaches to the end point of hope wherefrom she makes a total un-revocable surrender to the situation or loses herself into the grave of no return.
As per the domestic violence statistics, as many as 20 people are physically abused by an intimate partner per one minute in the world. Women, mostly between the years of 19 and 24 are most commonly abused. Abuse falls into one or more of the following categories like physical, sensual, psychological and economic.
We are quite aware about on the extreme kind of domestic violence cases which recently took place in Mattan Akhura area of Anantnag district in South Kashmir. The victim was just twenty years old women and the mother of two children. And her only crime was that she refused to pay further dowry to her in-laws. Then the hell broke loose upon her. She was burnt alive by her in-laws. Her life didn’t matter for them and they took such a horrible step to punish her. The horrendous cases like these are growing terribly in the third world countries particularly in the South Asian belts. As per the domestic violence statistics, as many as 20 people are physically abused by an intimate partner per one minute in the world. Women, mostly between the years of 19 and 24 are most commonly abused. Abuse falls into one or more of the following categories like physical, sensual, psychological and economic. The impact of the violence not only harms the immediate victim but also destroys and disturbs the children’s physical and mental well-being which are the essential part of home. This way we get to experience a direct assault on our future generations as well.
As mentioned in the Holy Quran that men are the protectors and maintainers of women who must take all responsibilities to guard their life and honour even in minute details of life in general. Men must respect the women as the mothers of humanity who nourish the civilizations in their laps in all circumstances and ages. But the ever growing dictatorial system of patriarchy has destroyed the base of men principally in their negative physical and moral behavior towards this woman folk. When we see a woman is not safe at home at all, how can her safety be assured outside her home, in bazars, offices, functions? This way she is deteriorated physically, morally, emotionally without any cure in sight.
What must be done to render the lost natural position which is the basic birth right of a women back to her? How can we repair the wrongs done in our culture and customs which have marred the lofty status of woman to a mere robot available in the service of everyone else other than herself? In what ways we can understand her unspoken protests against her unending sacrifices? The questions like these made us bleed when nothing can be done at least today. What we do, instead, is to keep our ears to the growing cries of women drowning down the Jhelum silently.